what happens next

That’s what I’m scared of. What happens next.

After infatuation and butterflies and obsession and absolute perfection. After intimacy and closeness and comfort and trust. After white dresses and first dances and honeymoon suites. After nesting and settling down and routines and consistency.

I’m scared of what happens next after that.

When all the things you once loved slowly start to wear you down. And you barely speak at all. Where you’re suddenly in a place of knowing one another completely and not knowing each other at all.

And the walls begin to build around you, between you, on top of you. Until you feel so trapped, it’s almost impossible to breathe.

Because you know, what happens after that. What’s coming next. We don’t even know where else to go anymore. The end is the only destination we have for this journey. And so our butterflies turn to moths, and float onward toward the end’s sullen glow.

Then we’ll shed the tears and sign the papers and be cordial and alone.

Maybe if I never do the ring or the dress or the veil or the dance, maybe then we’ll never get to what’s next. And we can stay as we are forever.

That would be just fine with me.

(Image source: High on Skinny on Tumblr)

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