surviving the holocaust

I heard a woman say,

“The Holocaust makes you think

of two things:

concentration camps

and the number six million.

And nothing in between.

But the Holocaust

was everything in between.”

She was a survivor.

She survived the terror,

the horror,

the everything in between

that was in fact

so gruesome,

we simply cannot imagine it.

The unbearable darkness

that humankind can unleash

on its very own.

~

Now 70 years after that brutal war ended,

headlines brag

of an 89-year-old Nazi guard,

charged with 158 counts

of complicit murder–

one for every trainload of prisoners

that came under his care.

Appearing in court with a cane,

he’s held with dementia, but no bail,

and waits to suffer the consequences

of his teenage actions.

Of things he did or did not do.

Of people he killed,

or did not stop others from killing.

Of acts he committed out of terror,

and horror,

and survival.

~

We all applaud as he’s taken away in shackles

and a green jumpsuit.

Because if this man is guilty,

then maybe we are less so.

But little do we know

that sacrificing one guard

for six million souls

will do no more to even the score

than removing a teardrop of saltwater

will help to dry up the sea.

Perhaps if we focus our anger,

and sadness,

and remorse,

and regret,

on understanding

the beliefs,

and culture,

and values

of others,

perhaps then,

we are freed

from the prisons of our histories.

~

And we can all become survivors.

 

semifiction

poloroid camera by a stack of books

It was sophomore year of high school, Ms. Hager’s American literature class, when I learned one of my favorite words: semisubnebulous.

It was used in a short story, but I can’t remember which one. Probably something by Faulkner. Maybe Chopin. What I do remember is a footnote at the bottom of the page provided the definition.  

It means walking around in dreamlike state. Half asleep. Half awake. It’s basically sleepwalking, but it sounds so much cooler than that.

Or at least that’s what it means to me. Because to this day, I have yet to see it defined anywhere else. It’s a ghost of a word, but I love it just the same.

There are plenty of non-ghost words that start with semi. Semiannual. Semicolon. Semisweet. Semitruck. Semicircle . . . But semifiction isn’t one of them. There’s just no such thing.

That’s because writing is not some two-lane road paved thick in black asphalt with reflective yellow lines that clearly divide the fact from the fantasy. Or if it is, we’re weaving in and out of our lanes like drunk drivers fleeing the scene of a bar fight.

The truth is even our most imagined tales are steeped far too long in boiling kettles of reality and history. And our most honest stories are fuzzied by slanted perspectives, by blurry Polaroids thumbtacked along the walls of our minds.  

It’s unavoidable. And poor James Frey had to learn the hard way. But to this girl, there’s no difference between a million little truths and a million little lies.

It’s all in what we remember. In how we remember. In how we write what we remember.

It’s the emotions that seep out of our pores. It’s the words we make up during our high school English classes. It’s the scenes we try to capture–in fiction and in memoir–each one rooted in fading recollections, sepia-toned facts, and yes, even semisubnebulous memories.

So go on. Write your heart out, storytellers. Let all the semitruths spill from your veins.

The world will probably only believe half of them anyway.

Photo credit: ForgottenCharm on Etsy

 

faith > fried chicken

I have a tattoo on my ribcage. On the left side to be nearer to my heart. It says “Here is love vast as the ocean.”

The opening line from a hymn. A hymn about love.

Those seven words sum up all that I believe. Love is the core of it all. Even the good book itself says love is greater that hope or faith. And the stories written of our King are not of condemnation and judgment. They are of breaking bread with sinners and healing the lame and feeding the hungry and giving sight to the blind and casting out no one. And love. And love. And love.

Those red letters, all those precious words He spoke, they tell us to love.

I will not argue with you about Chick-Fil-A’s right to freedom of speech. I will not debate gay marriage. I will not discuss who should make up a family unit.

The reality is, I’m too busy loving all of God’s children. I do not have time to build walls around them. To isolate myself from them. To suggest they do not deserve what I have done nothing to earn.

Nor would I even want to.

Here is love vast as the ocean. Written on my ribcage. Written on my heart.