The worst part is never when something terrible happens. It’s the first time you wake up afterwards.
After my heart broke, I cried until my body ran out of tears, literally dried up my emotional well. And then I sat in my bed, knees clutched to my chest, eyes open wide – staring at nothing – and rocked. Back and forth. For hours.
I suppose at some point my conscious numbness conceded to my body and I fell asleep.
It’s waking up that’s the worst. The moment you think maybe that was just a dream, then slowly process that it wasn’t. And the realization is stabbing. And choking. As if someone is taking your insides and wringing them out like a washcloth.
But on that morning, when I woke up in my college apartment, the walls were covered with words. Words of hope. Quotes I loved. My sweet roommate snuck into my room before I woke up and filled that place of sadness with kindness and friendship and concern.
I don’t remember all of them, but I remember the largest, written in bright green across the middle of my mirror.
This too shall pass.
And despite my bloodshot eyes and knotted stomach and heavy heart, I could not help but smile.
(Image source: Modern Hepburn on Tumblr)