Jabbing it beneath my nose, she squealed. I said YES! Giddy coworkers descended, clamoring for details like gulls for a fry, their squawks muzzled by the ringing in my ears. What’s forever with you to her is forever without you to me.
Jabbing it beneath my nose, she squealed. I said YES! Giddy coworkers descended, clamoring for details like gulls for a fry, their squawks muzzled by the ringing in my ears. What’s forever with you to her is forever without you to me.
writeamuck 
Hi Genna! Just making sure you know in order to be in the crowd fave vote and in the writing contest you have to fill out this short form, please. http://yeahwrite.me/yeah-write-november-writing-contest-entry-form/
If you want to just hang on the submission grid then you don’t have to do anything more.
LikeLike
Thank you, Nate!! I don’t know how I missed that.
LikeLike
there are a lot of words on that page. You’re definitely not the only one who missed it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooh. That last sentence just says it all, reveals a new layer and adds a whole new dimension to the story. “What’s forever with you to her is forever without you to me.” Zzzing. Ouch. You just dropped the bomb right there….
Really well done, my favorite I’ve read so far.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ouch… That last line, it burns.
Well written!
LikeLike
Oy. This is so good. You captured the moment perfectly.
LikeLike
From the moment it’s under his nose… oh yeah. One of the great ‘life sucks’ moments, really well reflected.
LikeLike
Very well written!
LikeLike
“Like gulls for a fry.” That made me laugh–I’ve thought almost the same thing so many times!
LikeLike
You played that brilliantly!
LikeLike
I love the subtly of how you answered the question. Written, but unwritten. And the finality of that moment of heartbreak. Well done.
LikeLike
That last line! Ouch!!
LikeLike
you packed much in to very few words.
LikeLike
There was all this happy lead up, and then the resounding slap at the end. Nice!
LikeLike
Love the image of the ravenous gulls. Your narrator’s hurt comes across v clearly.
LikeLike
I loved your last line.
LikeLike